On the first day of Christmas, my eve wish list:

1. I wish that it would stop snowing and the roads would clear so I won't be afraid to drive the two and a half hours to my granddaughter's first Christmas, holding my breath, gripping the steering wheel for all I'm worth and having to pee all the way..

2. I wish that for once - JUST FOR ONCE - I didn't cry when hearing Johnny Mathis sing Christmas songs.

3. I wish that I could stop eating these damn cookies that seem to be growing by themselves in my kitchen, or the cakes, or the homemade bread, or...

4. I wish that instead of cookies, my friends will bring booze next year. Lots of booze.

5. I wish you could know the joy I felt this morning when my seven month old granddaughter called me on the telephone and said "ho ho ho." As least that is what she thought she said.

6. I wish the dog would poop faster when we go out because last night it was 12 degrees.

7. I wish I had one of those transporters that they used in the Star Trek Enterprise so I could magically bring every soldier home for Christmas, plopping them down at the dinner table where they could shout "Pass the turkey!"and their beloved mothers could tuck them sweetly in their beds tonight and then Santa would leave a note in all stockings that says "No more war" and peace would finally, FINALLY reign and they would never, ever have to leave again.

8. I wish that I could install radiant heat in the driveway so I could turn it on and all the snow would just melt away. (Have I already made an anti-snow wish? Tough titties. I hate it.)

9. I wish the boys on the snowmobiles in the park at my back yard would slow down because I keep worrying about them. And put on a helmet, for crying out loud.

10. And I wish you a very, merry Christmas.